Dear Steph,

I am so terribly sorry for not writing to you sooner, life just keeps droping bombs on me and it takes a while to recuperate. My aunt and my mother had the war to end all wars about two weeks ago. They faught over the same old stuff. My aunt wonders why my mother couldn’t get her act together when she was younger and my mother blaims my aunt and grandmother for giving her an inferiority complex that has lasted her entire life.

Words were exchanged in the poorest of manners and the two remained in silence for three days following. Except for when my aunt decided she wasn’t through talking about the situation and the whole thing started all over again. Then Aunt V anounces that she no longer wishes to live with my mother and that she is giving us three months to find an apartment of our own.

My mother has said, that should our family split in such a way, she will return to Belize. My aunt has made it clear that she is not inviting me to live with her, and even if she did I know that living with her would only bring me in contact with Uncle G… so living with her is not an option. Which means that, should our family split apart, I will be left to fend for myself. I will be forced to find an apartment of my own, furnish said apartment, pay all the bills, buy all my own food, provide transportation and funding for my education all on my own.

Of course I wont be able to do all that with my minimum wage paying job, so the hunt for a new job will have to forge on. It has been approximately a week since my aunt made her decision clear to us, and no one has talked about it since. I don’t want our family to fall apart, but the hostility embedded in our daily life can not continue. My family is a ticking time bomb, and we’re running out of time.

Sincerely,
NightWriter

Dear Sulz,

Your tag, is my command!

Please thoughtfully consider the following, and choose one item for each of the categories below. (Be sure to describe your reasons for choosing)

One religious work from a non-familiar tradition you’ll read:
I’d have to say the Qur’an, just because I’ve always been fascinated my Islam and I’d like to hear some of the poetry it contains as well.

One music video–that you like–from your “least likely to listen to’ genre:
I don’t listen to country music, but I really like How Do I Live by LeAn Rimes. The first time I heard it, it almost made my cry.

A book from a genre you almost never read, that you have read, or you will read (promise!):
With all this publicity about A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, it’s got my curious. So when I have time, I’ll read it.

Somewhere you’d never thought to go on holiday/vacation, and why it might be fun to go there:
I daydream about traveling the world…so yeah…. but one place I’ve never really considered is Morocco. I watched an episode of Globe Trekker where they showcased really neat places to visit when you go there. The culture and scenery seems very interesting… so if I ever have a chance, I’m visiting Morocco.

A specific food you’ve never tried, but will because of this meme, honest!:
Shusi, the thought of it makes me want to vomit….but for you…I’ll do anything.

A sport or game you really hate, or haven’t tried yet, but are willing to give one more go:
I don’t hate Basketball, I just have a really strong distaste for it.

A style of dance you probably won’t try (we won’t make you promise on this one):
Well, I don’t really dance…. mainly because it’s too painful for those who have to watch…but I did take a beginners jazz class in high school in order to evade Gym. I was horrible, but I tried…so my teacher gave me a C.

A career job you don’t feel you’re suited for, and why:
Nursing, because I have little patience and am very moody. I know, I’m a horrible person, right? Don’t get me wrong, I like to help people…just don’t think making a career of it is best for me. Also, I’m bad at math and might get medication dosage wrong from time to time.

An item that’s “thinking out of the box’ for this meme that hadn’t been included:

What course in university or college or a private organisation (ie camp, seminar, convention etc) did you enjoy participating and why?- too lazy to create one of own so will use Sulz’s.
So, I really enjoyed my Psychology I class, I learned a lot about human psyche and about mental disorders and personality disorders. How the disorders affect a persons daily life and why some people act they way they do. It really made me understand the complexity and many facets of an individual and societies psychology. I’m very happy that i took the class and I’m planning on taking the second part.

So I think I’ll tag Ish, crazuasuka, and cj.

Sincerely,
NightWriter

P.S: Here are my quiz results.

Dear Steph,

My mother and aunt have changed their minds and are deciding to force me to finish the Nursing program. I’ve expressed my feelings about becoming a nurse, but they wont budge this time. I am to resume school in the Fall. I must also find a better, higher paying, full time job…. so that I can pay my part of the rent and have money left over for my bills and savings account. I must find the new job immediately.

Lately, I have ran into three people I knew from High school. All of them have better paying jobs, attend Universities -as opposed to my trade school- and simply lead a better life than I currently do. I know some things are out of my control, and the things that I do have control over, I haven’t really tried to change. But I can’t help from feeling inferior, whether it’s self-inflicted or not.

On another subject…. lately people keep bringing up the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend. And then they gasp in disgust when I tell them that I’ve NEVER had a boyfriend. They give me that look like there’s something deeply wrong with me, and begin to tell my how it’s “time for me to be in a relationship”. Worse, they go on to say how a relationship will help me grow as a person and mature into the young adult I am supposed to be. I want to scream out in social agony, or run off to find a corner to curl up and cry. Seriously, has the world gone mad?!

Don’t you think I know I need a better job, to find a career, to start a relationship…. to “grow up”?! I know these things, so please do not insult my intelligence, not to mention fragile ego, by insinuating that I think otherwise. Excuse me if come off a little rude, but how about minding your own business? Worry about your life, I’ll worry about mine. Yes, I know you’re only trying to give me “advice”, and that you only want what’s best for me. But for the love of God, let me find my own way.

It’s been a bad month, but I think it’s only to prepare me for the rest of my life. God help me.

Sincerely,
NightWriter

Dear Father,

I thought I would share a strange dream I had with you. I’ve been having a lot of strange dreams lately, but this one… I think you should know about it. It wasn’t very long, but the message was clear. First there’s darkness, and all I can hear are children laughing and playing. And then I see myself, as a child, playing and running around at the park. Then a man’s voice calls my name. I turn around and run toward the voice. I stretch out my arms and the man picks me up and hugs me. he holds me in is arms for what could be eternity, as if he were afraid of losing me. He holds me tight and a feel warm and safe. I find happiness in this moment, and my small child arms hold tight to this man, as if I were afraid of losing him as well. And as we pull away from each other, I awake.

Sincerely,
NightWriter

Dear Steph,

The other night I had a dream that I died. I dreamed that my mom and I were driving somewhere, and there was an accident, and only I died. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone. Everyone just went on with their lives, as if nothing had happened. It was as if I never existed in the first place.  This dream led me to think, what kind of an impact am I making on other peoples lives? How does my life relate to others, is it significant? Does it make a difference if I’m here or not?

If I were to vanish off the face of the earth today, would anyone notice? Would anyone care? It’s funny how you think you know the answers to these questions, but when you stop and think about it… is what you think other people feel about you true? Do they really feel that way about you, or is it all just wishful thinking? We want to be missed, there fore we are?

Sincerely,
NightWriter